Thoughts and Reflections

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Love is.</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id21.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Holidays Seasons Reflected yeararound"><U>Holidays & Seasons Reflected year-around*</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id59.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="New Years Resolutions"><U>New Year's Resolutions</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id20.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Thoughts and Poetry"><U>Thoughts and Poetry</U></A>   |   <B>Thoughts and Reflections </B>   |   <A HREF="id70.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Thoughts, Memories, and Expressions"><U>Thoughts, Memories, and Expressions</U></A>   |   <A HREF="forum.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Thoughts, Webrings, Yahoo Groups"><U>Thoughts, Webrings, & Yahoo Groups</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id52.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Art Expressions of Love Healing"><U>Art - Expressions of Love & Healing</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id51.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Songs Memories Music from the Heart"><U>Songs & Memories - Music from the Heart</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id67.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Essays Experiences"><U>Essays & Experiences</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id71.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Gardens and Plants"><U>Gardens and Plants</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id69.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Book review: Touching the Edge"><U>Book review:  "Touching the Edge"</U></A></div> <div> Thoughts and Reflections </div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <A HREF="id21_top_of_page.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Holidays Seasons Reflected yeararound"><U><IMG SRC="1f95d460.jpg" border=0 width="93" height="70" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Minneapolis Chapter of The Compassionate"><U>home</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B><U>In Your Mind</U></B></div> <div> It's so hard to watch your child</div> <div> grow up in your mind.</div> <div>                         -Jim, TCF-Houston, TX</div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="8" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="503" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 1074 WIDTH="234"><div> <B><U>Mother's Day Thoughts</U></B></div> <div> That first Mother's Day after Raymond died was a dark day.  I had not only lost my son, but, in losing him, I was no longer a mother.  The telephone didn't ring; I felt very much alone.  I let the tears fall and fell asleep lying on Raymond's bed.</div> <bR> <div> While I was sleeping, a neighbor came by with a small pot of miniature white mums with a note attached...'Now everyone in heaven knows what a great mom you are.'  That simple message liffted me, and I was able to smile.</div> <bR> <div> Now, I don't think I'm a great mom.  I am but a pretty good mom - and I'll always be Raymond's Mom, no matter what!  Nothing can take that away.  Rather simplistic, you say?  Yes, but sometimes we need to think in simplistic terms to experience the joy hidden within the sorrow</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> Joanne, TCF-West Suburban/Cleveland,OH</div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Sometimes</U></B></div> <div> Sometimes the anguish of my child's death is an echo of my heartbeat.</div> <bR> <div> At other times, the longing for my child tears at my soul.</div> <bR> <div> Always, the love for my child is a river flowing, pushing me ever onwards - through life.</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> Judith,TCF-Winnipeg, MT</div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Getting Better</U></B></div> <div> My tears feel warm on my cheeks now...not burning hot.  Is this a sign I'm "Getting Better?"</div> <bR> <div> When I cry now, I am most often alone  - in the car, or in the shower, or on a walk.  I do not cry in public or feel as much panic.  Is this a sign I'm "Getting Better?"</div> <bR> <div> I sleep the night through sometimes and awaken without tears...for a while.  They come now while I'm brushing my teeth...or making coffee...and are gone before I say "Good Morning."  Is this a sign I'm "Getting Better?"</div> <bR> <div> I am able to hug again...and laugh and read and eat.  Is this a sign I'm "Getting Better?"</div> <bR> <div> Yes, I think so...but when does the pain end?  Perhaps when I no longer ask, is this a sign I'm "Getting Better?"</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> Shirley,TCF-Little Rock, AR</div> <bR> <bR> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="234"><div> <B><U>To My Little Girl on Father's Day</U></B></div> <div> We were basking in the joy of new parenthood when your doctor stepped into our room and softly told us you were having problems.  Our pride was suddenly replaced with fear.</div> <bR> <div> As we stood over you in NICU, I wanted to apologize to you; to explain why all these machines and needles were necessary.  I felt so helpless!  I am your Daddy, but there was nothing I could do to help you.  It ws obvious that you were going to die.</div> <bR> <div> Later, you slept in my arms, as I marveled at your perfect beauty.  We listened to the soft little sighs you made with each exhale, "knowing" these were the only sounds we would ever hear from you.</div> <bR> <div> As my tears fell on your cheeks, I kissed you good-bye, hugging your little lifeless body close to mine, and promised you would never be forgotten.  For a short time, we babied you, then we handed you through a magic window, back into the arms of God.</div> <bR> <div> After you died we mourned for the life that would never be - our little girl dreams.  All the fantasies we had for our future together - your first words, the holidays and birthdays, your wedding day, the birth of your babies, your hugs and kisses.  For nine months our perfect dreams were filled with you, but now, these too died and were buried with you.</div> <bR> <div> One of the most important things I learned from you is that by sharing my grief with your mom, I became a stronger man.  I've found it takes more courage to share my pain than keep it hidden.  Neither one of us is feeling brave now, and I think your mom needs to see my tears more than my pretending your death didn't hurt more than anything in my life.</div> <bR> <div> Every day I think of you.  Especially today on Father's Day, while your sisters cuddle up close to me and say, "Happy Father's Day, Daddy.  We love you."</div> <bR> <div> I never heard you say those sweet words, but you will always be my precious little angel-child.  I will hold you again in heaven, and I will hold you forever in my heart.  We will love you and miss you always!</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> Paul, Linday Nicole's Dad</div> <div> -TCF-South Central, KY</div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> more archives:</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="529" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 873 WIDTH="171"><div>  <A NAME="top_of_page_1"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" ><B><U>Why Did He Die?</U></B></FONT></div> <div> Why did he die?  Why</div> <div> did he live?</div> <div> Why did he care?  Why</div> <div> did he give?</div> <div> Why wonder "Why"</div> <div> Why can't we rest?</div> <bR> <div> They say there's a plan,</div> <div> though we can't see it now,</div> <div> But 'til we can see it,</div> <div> We'll remember just - "How?"</div> <bR> <div> How he did what he did</div> <div> in his own special way.</div> <div> How we shared in the good </div> <div> and the bad of each day.</div> <div> How no matter whatever</div> <div> may come now to pass,</div> <div> The memories we hold in our hearts</div> <div> ...will last.</div> <bR> <div> For no matter the answers</div> <div> to the questions of "Why?",</div> <div> if he lives on in us...</div> <div> then he didn't die.</div> <bR> <div> He lived not in vain,</div> <div> But left his life's mark.</div> <div> He lighted a candle,</div> <div> where once there was dark,</div> <div> And this is the Torch</div> <div> rekindled through time.</div> <div> His light has been added</div> <div> to yours and to mine.</div> <bR> <div> So let us continue to carry it high.</div> <div> Trusting that someday...</div> <div> We'll understand "Why?"</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Bruce H. Conley</B></div> <div> <B>TCF - Cape Cod Chapter</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="171"><div> <B><U>Double Grief</U></B></div> <div> The death of my grandchild</div> <div> And the grief of my son,</div> <div> Pull on my heart strings</div> <div> And I am undone.</div> <bR> <div> In secret I mourn beyond relief,</div> <div> For I have been given a double grief,</div> <div> God, help me to deal with the pain and sorrow.</div> <div> Of living without the hope of tomorrow.</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Andy Cipriano</B></div> <div> <B>TCF -Tallahassee, FL</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Only Child</U></B></div> <div> It feels like someone is pushing hot coals on my heart.</div> <div> is this what it feels like,</div> <div> when you no longer have</div> <div> a child to mother?</div> <div> How many children do I have?</div> <div> That awful question...</div> <div> I HAD ONE...</div> <div> Does this mean I am no longer a mother?</div> <div> I don't understand...</div> <div> Is this confusion a part of the grief?</div> <div> She was sunshine and light -</div> <div> My friend, my buddy, my sweetness.</div> <div> She was my firstborn.</div> <div> She was my lastborn.</div> <div> She was my only child.</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Geri Fitzgerald</B></div> <div> <B>TCF - Central Conn.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="12c82620.jpg" border=0 width="130" height="98" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="171"><div> <B><U>Nineteen</U></B></div> <div> Nineteen - a glorious age -</div> <div> Full of sunshine and smiles</div> <div> And making plans far ahead.</div> <bR> <div> Nineteen - a treacherous age -</div> <div> Full of doubts and confusions</div> <div> And unknown hazards to come.</div> <div> Nineteen - a beginning age -Full of sharing and caring</div> <div> And dreams of an everlasting love.</div> <bR> <div> Nineteen - dangerous age</div> <div> Full of trauma and heartaches</div> <div> And cars that get crushed out of shape.</div> <bR> <div> Nineteen - a heavenly age -Full of starlight and moonbeams</div> <div> And songs by the angels of eternity.</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Linda West</B></div> <div> <B>TCF - Columbus Chapter</B></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id42.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Angel of Hope in Maple Grove "><U><B><IMG SRC="1b045740.gif" border=0 width="69" height="116" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> <div> Thank you for taking a piece of my broken heart and tenderly, gently giving it back to me stronger.  Stronger because it is bonded with a piece of our own.</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Kathy Wilson</B></div> <div> <B>TCF -Greater Ozarks</B></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> <A HREF="#top_of_page_1" TITLE="Thoughts and Reflections "><U>beginning of more archives</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Minneapolis Chapter of The Compassionate"><U>home</U></A></div> </td> </tr></table></body>